Psalm 25

¹ In you, Lord my God,
    I put my trust.

² I trust in you;
    do not let me be put to shame,
    nor let my enemies triumph over me.
³ No one who hopes in you
    will ever be put to shame,
but shame will come on those
    who are treacherous without cause.

⁴ Show me your ways, Lord,
    teach me your paths.
⁵ Guide me in your truth and teach me,
    for you are God my Savior,
    and my hope is in you all day long.
⁶ Remember, Lord, your great mercy and love,
    for they are from of old.
⁷ Do not remember the sins of my youth
    and my rebellious ways;
according to your love remember me,
    for you, Lord, are good.

⁸ Good and upright is the Lord;
    therefore he instructs sinners in his ways.
⁹ He guides the humble in what is right
    and teaches them his way.
¹⁰ All the ways of the Lord are loving and faithful
    toward those who keep the demands of his covenant.
¹¹ For the sake of your name, Lord,
    forgive my iniquity, though it is great.

¹² Who, then, are those who fear the Lord?
    He will instruct them in the ways they should choose.
¹³ They will spend their days in prosperity,
    and their descendants will inherit the land.
¹⁴ The Lord confides in those who fear him;
    he makes his covenant known to them.
¹⁵ My eyes are ever on the Lord,
    for only he will release my feet from the snare.

¹⁶ Turn to me and be gracious to me,
    for I am lonely and afflicted.
¹⁷ Relieve the troubles of my heart
    and free me from my anguish.
¹⁸ Look on my affliction and my distress
    and take away all my sins.
¹⁹ See how numerous are my enemies
    and how fiercely they hate me!

²⁰ Guard my life and rescue me;
    do not let me be put to shame,
    for I take refuge in you.
²¹ May integrity and uprightness protect me,
    because my hope, Lord, is in you.

²² Deliver Israel, O God,
    from all their troubles!

When I first became a Christian and actually started reading the Bible (not just looking up certain verses), I began by starting with verses I knew and reading from there. Having not been raised in the Church, I admittedly didn't know much( and actually understood a lot less) but one verse I knew was Psalm 23. I've been to many funerals in my life, so I knew the “funeral” verse by heart. So, I started reading the book of Psalms. When I got to Psalm 25, something clicked.

As I read Psalm 25, the words spoke to me. The urgent request, the plea of the psalm surrounds asking God for His guidance, for His direction. As a new believer, I struggled with how to act as a Christian, how to “be” a believer. Having not been raised in the church, I felt very much lacking. I felt like there were many things that I didn’t know that other Christians knew. Even more than that, not just knowing how a Christian is to act, think and behave, but to know what God’s purpose is for my life. What role I play in His grand plan, how I was gifted and how to use those gifts in service to the Kingdom.

Some years later I was having lunch with my grandmother at her house. On her kitchen table she has, and has for as long as I can remember, her Bible that she has used for years. Now, I love looking at this Bible, and always have,  because every page is thick with notes that she has taken over the years, insights that God has showed her and just some general notes about our family. On that particular day, her bible was opened to Psalms, so given my new found relationship to Psalm 25, I carefully turned through the well-worn pages until I got to it. As I started to read through the Psalm, I was somewhat struck when I saw my father’s name and a date written alongside the verses. I asked my grandmother about this, and she proceeded to tell me the story of a letter that my father had written to her while he was in basic training, many years ago, and how in that letter he spoke about his struggles and how he relied upon the words of Psalm 25 to help him get through.

I was quite frankly shocked by this.

I never thought of my father as a religious man, I never heard him speak of God; in fact religion was never really a part of my life growing up. We may have gone to church with my grandparents on Easter or mother’s day, but that’s about it. 

My father and I were never really close. I tended to think, act and in generally be more like my mom than my dad, and It became fairly clear that I wasn’t his favorite. I knew he loved me, and we got along well enough, but I never had the relationship with him that I would have liked.

My father had many flaws, made many bad decisions that had huge impact on our family. At times I hated him for the things he was doing, the pain he caused. I wanted nothing at all to be like him and yet, deep inside, I felt that somehow I was a failure because I wasn't what he wanted in a son.

As I grew older I tried to change myself, become more like the son that I thought he wanted, a son he would really love. Still, despite my best efforts, we still never had the relationship that I would have liked. In too short a time, he was gone and I was left with a hollow feeling inside.

Perhaps that is why I have struggled sometimes with truly comprehending the Father’s love for me, for believing that the Father in heaven could genuinely love me when my own, earthly father didn't. Now, please hear me, I don’t mean to complain or whine. I know there are many, many people in the world that had much worse childhoods than I, and many grew up with either no father or a much worse father than I had. I’m just telling my story, speaking my heart. No more, no less.

Every time I pray, I always ask God to show me His way, enlighten me in what He wants me to do and how I can serve Him and the Kingdom. Show me how to be a good, Christian man. How to be a man of God. A man after God’s own heart.

Throughout the many paths that my life has taken me on, I have had many highs and lows. I have known great joy and peace in His presence, and I have felt crushing despair and loneliness. Truthfully, as I have grown in my Christian walk and my relationship with the Lord, I know that God is always there, and the times that I feel truly down and alone, it is because I have wandered far from the path that He has laid before me. I don’t know why I go astray and take the path that causes me pain. The curse of free will, I suppose.

I pray that someday I will learn to stay away from the paths that cause pain. I will learn to ignore the pains in my heart and focus my thoughts upward and outward. Someday…

Until then, “Show me Your ways, Lord; teach me Your paths.” And if at all possible, when I start to go too far astray, please Lord, feel free to kick me back in line. Amen!