Ever since I first announced my plans to join the mission field in Haiti, I’ve been asked a lot of questions. Some strange, some funny but probably the most common has been “Are you sure?” A couple of good friends have asked “are you sure you’re being called, and not running away?”
Believe me, this is a question I have asked myself a lot, as this year has been very hard for me. I lost my sister Michelle in February, and I still struggle with her loss every day. I’ve had many times where I pull out my phone to talk to her, and even start dialing her number, then i remember. On top of that, my wife and I divorced this summer. I wont go into any specifics here, but suffice it to say that mistakes were made on both sides, but the ending is not what I wanted, and the pain and loss I feel are deep to an extent that I wouldn’t have thought possible.
Now please, let me pause here for a second to recognize that there are many, many people whose lives are much harder, and have faced greater loss this year than I have. I’m not trying to whine, just telling my story.
I have battled depression many times in my life, been down into dark pits where words like “Hope” and “Joy” lose all meaning. My mom lost her battle with Leukemia when I was 16, and my father passed away 7 years later. I’ve spent most of life hiding, ashamed of my weight, certain I was no good to anyone or for anything.Throughout the years, when my despair was at its worst and the pain unbearable, something always brought me back and started me on the climbing out of the pit. I never knew what it was, but I always felt something there. I know now what it was then, and what still gives me strength when times get tough. God’s love.
God, who sent His perfect son to die for all of us. God, who never turns His back on us, even when we turn ours on Him. God, who is always there, we just need to be still and let Him lead us.
God has blessed me more greatly than I can ever deserve. I have great friends who truly care for me, wonderful Christian role models who are my support when I am in need. I have family that loves me. I have been blessed to travel to many distant lands, to serve with amazing Christians from around the world. I have been blessed to see God at work in the lives of many people. I have been blessed with a place to God and man, a place where I can use my gifts and talents.
Throughout this experience, I have felt God moving in my life. I know that I am moving how and where He wants, and I am anxious to see what He has in store for me. I know that no matter what comes, God has plans and a purpose for me. As it says in Roman’s 8:28 “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” So... long story short, the answer to the question “Are you sure?”is a heartfelt and resounding YEP!
Until next time,
Justin
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